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Living With a Liar Can Make You Crazy -

20.05.2019 2 Comments

How To Spot A Pathological Liar

How do I deal with getting over dating a pathological liar? I just found out that my loving, caring, earnest boyfriend of five months is the kind of manipulative, predatory liar that one normally reads about in True Story! I just found out that my loving, caring, earnest boyfriend of five months had been lying to me throughout our entire relationship. As it turns out, he'd started dating me a month before he and his long-distance girlfriend of five years broke up, making me the unknowing other woman, and spent the bulk of our relationship trying to convince her to go back out with him again. When I initially found out, I was crushed, but assumed it was a case of the classic rebound. Five years is, after all, a long time.

They tell the story without any signs of distress or agitation and seem at ease with themselves. If you didn't know better, you would have no trouble believing the story. Pay attention to the tone of voice. Small changes in vocal tone may indicate lying. While not all pathological liars change their tone, some may.

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A shift in vocal tone, in conjunction with other symptoms, may indicate someone is a pathological liar. A pathological liar's voice may get higher or lower when lying. A pathological liar may also lick their lips or drink water when talking. The stress from telling lies may cause adrenaline or the constriction of vocal chords, leading to an increased need for water. Observe someone's smile. While pathological liars may not demonstrate typical body language when lying, they may display a fake smile.

Smiles are very difficult to fake successfully, so pay attention to their mouths. The corners of someone's eyes typically crinkle. With a fake smile, the only noticeable change is near the mouth.

Pathological liars are so good at lying that I pity the poor soul who is dating one, whether through an online Christian service like eHarmony, or some other way. What makes a pathological liar so different from every other big fat liar in a dating relationship? Psychologists feel the answer is found in a paradox: Pathological liars may actually believe the twisted stories they tell their. Feb 10,   A pathological liar is someone who compulsively tells lies or fabricates information out of habit. They may not be completely rooted in reality, believing the lies they tell, often in an effort to remedy low self-esteem. To spot a pathological liar, pay attention to their behavior and body language, such as excessive eye contact%(52). It is absolutely shattering when you realise that the person that you were with, the person that you trusted, that you thought was your soul mate, that almost everything that has been told to you is a lie. This is when you realise that you have been dating a compulsive pathological liar.

Avoid jumping to conclusions about unusual body language. Sometimes, odd body language is a sign of a liar For example, eye contact is considered rude in some cultures and polite in others.

Notice how that person tends to act, and consider alternative explanations. Another example is that autistic people tend to fidget a lot. They may unwittingly stare a lot or avoid eye contact altogether. This isn't a sign of lying, just a sign of being different. Method 3. Look for underlying secret habits. If this person has a problem with substance abuse, gambling, binge eating, or other destructive behaviors, there's a good chance they're a pathological liar.

You may see them filling up their drink when no one else is at the bar, or even notice them carrying a flask. You may also notice you don't see one co-worker eat at lunch, but sometimes find evidence of food having been in their office.

There are ways to recognize a pathological liar if you know what to look for. And if you are in a relationship with a pathological liar, you'll need to know the options you have to deal with it. Today, we'll take a look at the signs of a pathological liar and how you can manage a relationship with one. The Toll of Pathological Narcissism on Loved Ones. Living With a Liar Can Make You Crazy Darren was We've been dating for six years now, living together for five, and he keeps. Sep 15,   How do I deal with getting over dating a pathological liar? I just found out that my loving, caring, earnest boyfriend of five months is the kind of manipulative, predatory liar that one normally reads about in True Story! magazine.

They may be very secretive about eating habits, and habitually turn down offers to get food with co-workers. Consider whether the person lives in reality. Pathological liars are often disconnected with reality. A lot of times, they may believe parts of their lies themselves.

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They may be deluded about themselves and their abilities. They may see something innocuous, like a compliment from a boss, as a sign of personal greatness. When recounting the compliment, they may fluff its importance. A pathological liar may lack basic life skills, but may not see this as a problem. If the person has a distorted view of reality, they may honestly believe what they are saying.

I Dated A Pathological LIAR for 3 YEARS - Storytime

While this is not true of all pathological liars, consider the possibility that the person is not lying out of malice. Think about the person's relationships with others.

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Pathological liars tend to have unstable relationships. Consider anything you know about this person's relationship history. Look for any warning signs of instability. A lack of longterm friends, and a series of failed romances, may indicate a pathological liar. A pathological liar may also be estranged from their family. Study the person's career. A pathological liar tends to bluff their way into jobs. A pathological liar may have many jobs on their resume. However, most of these jobs will be short term.

They may also dodge questions about why certain jobs did not work out longterm. Most of the jobs will only have been short term.

If you ask the pathological liar about their career, they may dodge questions. In some cases, a pathological liar may have moved around a lot due to sudden career changes. Pathological liars often burn bridges with employers. Will they cycle back thru with friends if a lie gets exposed so they go with another friend until that blows up then come back around to see if it's safe again hoping we're no longer mad?

If you have a friend that keeps lying and coming back around, ask yourself why it's important that you be friends with this person. What do you feel that you are getting out of the relationship, and what are you worried about losing?

Recovering from dating a pathological liar

This will help you decide what to do about your friendship. Yes No. Not Helpful 8 Helpful If you are caught in a friendship quad and can't remove the pathological liar from your life while they are telling fake lies about you so that everyone thinks you are the bad guy, what should you do?

Make an honest attempt to reach out to your friends and tell them how you feel. Explain to them from your own perspective what the truth is. You will quickly learn the true colors of those people who choose to believe you and stick around on your behalf, and those who you may just need to let go.

Not Helpful 7 Helpful What do you do if the pathological liar is your grown child and you can't "end" that relationship? He is the only one like that, my other three children are not like that. Just like any other person who may be a pathological liar, you personally cannot change who they are.

However, as a parent you can speak to your adult child in as respectful way as possible and express your concerns. Plant the seed for self awareness, and offer up helpful mental health resources in your area.

As a grown child of yours, it is up to them to be fully responsible and accountable for their actions. If it is to the point where it is disrupting you and others in the family, and other relationships are derailing, then perhaps you need to set clear boundaries with them as to what is and is not acceptable.

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Not Helpful 12 Helpful Pathological symptoms maybe more Psychopathic. These mental health disorders are all part of the same group of disorders according to the manual that mental health professionals use to diagnose people.

This book is called the DSM This group of mental health disorders includes narcissistic, antisocial, histrionic, and borderline personality disorders.

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Sociopathic behaviors fall under antisocial disorders. If you'd like to compare the symptoms needed for a diagnosis, you can look up the different disorders in the DSM-5 and compare them. Not Helpful 10 Helpful What to do if you loved a pathological liar, and you already know that he is lying?

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Should I address it? Ultimately it is their responsibility to change their ways. However, you can be of support to guide them to healthy appropriate mental health resources if they are ready to accept and make a change for the better. I have a colleague male who is loud, narcissistic and a compulsive liar bordering on the ridiculous.

He is causing problems for me and affecting my mental health.

How to Recover From a Liar (Tips from my Oprah recommended book)

He is untouchable. I'd advise you to reach out to your human resources department or a counselor. If your workplace has an Employee Assistance Program, they will likely be able to provide you with some counsel and resources to reach out to a qualified mental health professional who could help you. In the meantime, try to avoid this individual as much as you can.

Out of sight, out of mind. Any type of manipulation toward another person is not the best of approach and should be avoided. You cannot MAKE another person change or do something at your will. Not Helpful 15 Helpful The best way to stop being a pathological liar is to work with a qualified mental health professional.

Try to find a counselor or therapist to help you learn the right coping skills to overcome this behavior. My niece is a drug addict who is now on methadone.


She just gave birth, and the state is placing the baby. She's blaming methadone! She lies to cover other lies. She refuses another rehab placement. Do I cut off all contact? You need to look out for your best interest. It is understandable that this is a distressing situation since she is currently not at the ready state to even make a change, or taking responsibility for her own actions. At times we have to let people go, and experience the challenges of life on their own, and until she is accepting of her issues with drug addiction and taking accountability for it, she will not make any change.

You will need to learn the difference between truly helping someone and enabling which will only encourage them to spiral down into the rabbit hole. Seek out the assistance of a support group, or a mental health and addictions counselor to get appropriate coping skills for your current situation. Not Helpful 6 Helpful Not Helpful 17 Helpful Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

Already answered Not a question Bad question Other. Keep in mind that pathological liars typically exaggerate everything they tell you so take their stories with a grain of salt. Someone who consistently lies to you is a form of disrespect-not someone you want to trust or consider to be a true friend. If you care about the person, remind them often that they don't have to pretend to be perfect. Point out a few of your own awesome screw ups and failures in life. Sometimes, people lie because they are embarrassed and ashamed, or will feel misunderstood too, even regarding themselves.

This may explain the short relationships and work. The person may be guarded in that area and won't want to discuss it directly. Warnings You can encourage someone to get therapy for lying, but you cannot make them. In fact, you may have a very hard time getting this person to accept that their lying is even a problem, let alone something in need of therapy.

If you suspect the person is telling a lie to cover up illegal activity, consider contacting the authorities. Related wikiHows. Article Summary X If you want to spot a pathological liar, monitor their behavior so you can uncover the nature of the lies.

Did this summary help you? Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 2, times. Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Co-Authored By:. Co-authors: ated: July 18, KW Kross Washington May 27, I was also grateful to find a site that was focused on answering my questions instead of just trying to sell me an insurmountable number of overpriced, unnecessary "tools" that I'm not interested in at all; such as membership fees or free trials.

JI Joyse Ingrid Jun 11, I knew it was this but could not put it into words. On reading this I got words. Now I know for sure he was out to confuse me mentally. He is 23 and will have to leave. I need time to figure out how to make him get help as he has refused.

I am 71, very alert, though he tries to make me think otherwise. A Anonymous Jun 10, I am crazier than ever before. Good to know. If I can recognize a behavior only then can I change it. I am clean and sober for 7 years now. I still tell little lies and struggle to understand why so I can remedy the behavior and continue to learn and grow spiritually.

MS Manassawee Suwannasri Jun 27, Before he became like this, he wasn't an intelligent man. He made me wonder how he became smarter than before. He lied me that he's an owner of a company. How did you imagine?

Finally I found that he's a psychiatric patient. He's my friend and I want to help him. LI Lucy Inthsky Mar 12, But he is using every alibi he can concoct to escape blame. I alone must decide, and this article helped me to understand how to interpret his behavior. Thank you from my dog and I. PY Paul Yarger Apr 18, My girlfriend is one of these. I may be a borderline case! Everything she says is a lie, even little things that don't matter.

She explodes and makes up more lies when I confront her. Even when I proved it to her, she still denied it. Thanks a bunch for the free advice. A Anonymous Mar 20, The part about having a crying meltdown when caught was an eye-opener and explains reactions to my calling people on their lies. Depression as a result of lying, along with the other information in the article, was spot on!

Thank you. SF Suzie F. There he was, sitting at a table for two with another woman, kissing passionately. Now, instead of being mad, I feel nuttier than ever. Alexandria presents a classic case of modern-day gaslighting. Essentially, Darren wanted to continue with his illicit sexual behavior so he crafted a web of lies to justify, deny, and cover up his activity.

And when Alexandria had the audacity to question those lies, he flipped the script, insisting his falsehoods were true and Alexandria was delusional or just making things up for some absurd reason. In this way, Alexandria was made to feel as if she was the problem, as if her emotional and psychological instability was the real issue. In part, this is because we naturally tend to defend, excuse, and overlook concerns about the behavior of people to whom we are deeply attached.

Over time, however, as the cheating or the addiction or whatever else it is that the liar is trying to cover up escalates, the fabrications also escalate.

You must have forgotten. So instead of questioning the liar, victims question themselves. In this respect gaslighting is like placing a frog in a pot of warm water that is then set to boil.

I married a compulsive liar; I married a compulsive liar. I am not sure what solution I am looking for, but I feel like my husband is purposely trying to make me go "crazy." See, since the first day of our marriage three years ago, everything has gone down hill for us. Pathological lying has also been linked to anxiety, depression, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. How To Recognize A Pathological Liar. It can be difficult to identify a pathological liar as not all of their lies are elaborate or over-the-top and because they do not exhibit the signs of someone lying, such as avoiding eye contact or long pauses. Want to know how to recover from a liar? Unfortunately I was involved with a man (a Prince Harming) who was a pathological liar. Personally, I don't know how someone could tell so many lies - and never feel bad about lying so much. Thanks to these tools, I've since been able to move on and.

Interestingly and sadlygaslighting behaviors are often more upsetting to the victim than whatever it is the perpetrator is attempting to conceal. In this and numerous other respects gaslighting is consistent with other forms of betrayal trauma typically defined as intentional acts of mistreatment, neglect, and abuse perpetrated by individuals in close relationship to the victim.

Most of the time betrayal trauma is chronic in nature, occurring repeatedly and usually increasing in intensity over a long period of time, and gaslighting is no exception.

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Furthermore, betrayal trauma occurs in the context of a relationship that has other, much more positive elements, meaning the victim wants and sometimes even needs to overlook the mistreatment.

In one study examining the effects of serial infidelity occurring in the course of sexual addiction-behavior that is characteristically accompanied by gaslighting-researchers found that nearly all of the betrayed spouses studied experienced acute stress symptoms associated with Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, which is a very serious anxiety-related illness, sometimes with life-threatening consequences.

Such is the abuse that cheaters, addicts, and other liars perpetrate on their spouses, families, and friends-all so they can continue their illicit behavior unabated. It merely means you are human, you risked vulnerability in the hope of healthy intimate connection, and you got burned.

And the entirety of this recovery process requires interaction with empathetic otherspreferably people who understand the nature of gaslighting and how to best deal with its debilitating effects.

I am a recovering pathological liar doing his best to live in truth. AMA. and we have gotten even closer since we met irl. we actually even started dating 2 months ago, and we are both really happy. sorry for the long read, but AMA! edit: here's some more tidbits.

The good news is that if you are committed to living honestly and rebuilding your personal integrity and sense of self, you can emerge from a gaslighting experience wiser, stronger, and willing to once again risk vulnerability in the name of love and intimate connection.

This is my life Married over 20yrs to a man I didn't even know he had 2 very full exciting lives and is a predator a virterous pedophile a stalker that is how I discovered his double life I had no idea until a email surfaced and he was pretending to be a 18 yr old kid stalking the high school rugby team he has not been arrested and people have pulled away from him but mostly from me as if I did something wrong our adult children are in complete denial it is disgusting and it hurts me so very much I can't breath sometimes awave comes over me and it horrifies me he is a author I just found out and writes me in his books as a killer of all he cares about My wife is the epitome of this article.

A lying cheating whore! Refuses to apologize, pretends nothing happened. While accusing me of cheating. I dont know how to stop loving her, i am destroyed over this. I didnt have a dad, i dont want to split my family up. My father couldn't win for losing where my mother was concerned. She'd nag him constantly about something, such as not making enough money so she could stay home and emotionally abuse us kids. He went out and got a second job, and did well with it.

She shifted to the counterargument that he was never home anymore. She really did eventually drive him insane. He had to be hospitalized for two years as a result. My ex tried to do this to me as well, but she liked the extra money so much that she'd quit bitching as long as it was coming in.

Once it stopped, the bitching resumed. That's just one reason why she's my ex. Robert Weiss, Ph. Back - Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help.

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