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Why Dating Someone In An Open Relationship Will Always Lead To Heartbreak

26.04.2019 3 Comments

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The way I love has always been passionate and all-consuming-I give myself over to someone entirely, and I expect the same from them. When I'm into someone, I can't bear to even consider sleeping with anyone else, and finding out my partner doesn't feel the same way has been horrifying in the past. The men I've dated weren't cheaters , but they loved flirting with other women, which means much of my romantic history has been filled with frantically scrolling through text messages at 3 a. Finding one in which they called another woman "gorgeous" made my heart sink into my stomach, and watching them flirt with someone better-looking than me made me feel like an old sack of potatoes. It was never enough for me to be beautiful and loved.

At some point you stop getting with other people because you only want to be with your partner, but they don't. What happens then?

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Then, you're sitting at home, eating shit, waiting for your SO to get home from a night spent at the bar doing their thing with a new person they happened to meet. Finally, they get home and you each talk about your days.

If they're honest they'll tell you about the person they were with and then you're left feeling shitty because you were waiting around for them to come back. My roommate was in somewhat of an open relationship and - expectedly - her feelings for the guy started to grow a lot. He had told her he didn't want anything serious, and she said that was OK. But, when he ended it because they wanted different things and it was unfair to the relationship, she was left heartbroken.

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It should've been expected because college is supposed to be about having fun and meeting new people, right? It makes sense, it does, but that doesn't make it hurt any less when you really like someone only to find out that their feelings aren't entirely reciprocated, or even reciprocated at all.

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The feelings gained in these types of open relationships don't compare to those of meeting someone at the park, hanging out with them and being like "Wow, I could like this person. To some people sleeping with someone, or even just cuddling, may not seem like a big deal. But to most, these are intimate experiences that leave feelings of like, or even lovelingering in their minds for days after. It may hurt at first, but it will hurt a lot less than the pain of knowing the person you're emotionally invested in may be emotionally invested in someone else.

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We sat and talked about politics for a while, but when she and I were alone together, I had to ask her, "How are you OK with this? It was about him being a good father to their children, coming home when he said he would, and not forgetting to pick up milk on the way-all of which he was apparently very good at. When I got up to leave, Sam told her he was going to walk me home.

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She put her hand on my shoulder and looked me straight in the eye. Then she looked at him and said, "And don't rush back. Ever since that night, I decided to be on Sam's wife's team. I wasn't going to treat her as competition.

Couple in Open Relationship Secretly Share Their Story

I wasn't going to try and take him away from her in any way. I was going to give her control and take her feelings into account as well.

Sam and I have been seeing each other for a few months now and, so far, it's the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. He's kind, generous, dependable, and considerate-and he actually encourages me to see other men because we both know that marriage isn't in the cards for us and he doesn't want to "waste my time.

I'm always surprised by how fine I feel about him having to cancel plans because something came up with his daughter, or by the fact that he can't stay over because he needs to go home to tuck her into bed.

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I respect that his priority is his family, and it doesn't feel like it diminishes how he feels about me in any way. One night, Sam came over late and started complaining about what a nag his wife was and what a relief it was to see me.

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I shut him down immediately. If you and I were married for three decades, I'm sure we'd annoy one another too. She's actually letting you sleep with someone else and you should be grateful for that. I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of my mouth, but I had made a decision as to how I was going to handle this arrangement and I felt proud for sticking to it.

I'm Dating a Married Man Who Is in an Open Marriage. This Is What It's Like.

Because, for me, being in a relationship isn't just about finding the "right" person anymore; it's about being the person that I want to be in that relationship. Sam's wife has said that our "affair" has actually had a positive impact on their marriage.

May 28,   I'm Dating a Married Man Who Is in an Open Marriage. This Is What It's Like. It's cheating, yes, but it isn't deception. By Diana Bruk May 28, By Diana Bruk. May 28, I never thought of myself as the kind of person who could be in an open relationship. The way I love has always been passionate and all-consuming-I give myself. Open Relationship - Best Online Dating Sites of Everyone knows that relationships aren't easy and monogamy can be downright difficult, so, as a result, people sometimes begin to look outside. Oct 23,   Open relationships don't exist. Sure, there are "no strings attached" relationships and "friends with benefits" relationships, but those aren't actually open relationships. Someone always gets.

Apparently, he's always in a good mood and she feels appreciated in a way she didn't before. According to her, your husband can be faithful and you can feel invisible, and he can be unfaithful and you can feel seen.

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I can't promise what the future will hold for me and Sam. Maybe the whole thing will fall apart or get ugly. But in the moment, I feel like one of the reasons it works is because it is open in every sense of the word. Everyone is reasonably upfront and honest about how they feel; it's cheating, yes, but it isn't deception.

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When I talk to my friends whose marriages fell apart because of affairs, they always say, "It's not the cheating that bothers me, it's the lie.

I still believe I would be absolutely furious if I were committed to someone who didn't reveal that they were in another relationship-or worse yet, married. But that wouldn't be because of the sex; it would be because of the deception. Friends who know about my current situation often ask me if I'm worried that I'm going to end up wanting "more. People are also curious about whether or not I think being in an open relationship is "the way to go.

Polyamory and monogamy both have their pros and cons.

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I just think that any kind of relationship can work, as long as you are honest with both yourself and others about who you really are. And for more first-person relationship tales, check out My Spouse Cheated.

Dating and open relationship

Here's Why I Didn't Leave. All Rights Reserved. Open side menu button. This Is What It's Like. By Diana Bruk May 28, I never thought of myself as the kind of person who could be in an open relationship.

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Diana is a senior editor who writes about sex and relationships, modern dating trends, and health and wellness. Read more.

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